My sister, the ex-blogger formerly known as 'Footballer's Knees', posted this on her fb page yesterday. I thought it worth reproducing here as it's so funny. And sorry sis for not asking your permission but it is 5am your time and I figured that a) you wouldn't mind my using it and b) bearing in mind we are using the same airline ourselves today - on the newly introduced route to London from Moscow, which frankly is going to be a VERY interesting experience - it was relevant...
"Day trip to Newcastle today. Where to start? To rant or to rave? I could rave about the great Easyjet service, the dulcet tones of Paul McGann's recorded voice used for the flight safety notice (the words, 'Brace! Brace!' have new meaning for me), the way the staff of the exec lounge found my passport and delivered it to me at the gate, the fact that I was first off the plane. Didn't you know that it's a race from the plane steps to the airport arrivals exit? I'm not that fast but I beat the short fat-bottomed man in pin stripes and the woman with leopard print stilettos and bad hair extensions.
Or, I could rant. Oh about so, so many things. Or rather, people.
The loud and whey-faced people in the security queues who gave the Departure lounge the air of Appleby Horse Fair. Or the horse faced bint with the Accessory Child who held up the whole queue of passengers behind her whilst she placed her many bags in the overhead locker. Without apologising. And then held up the man who wanted to sit in the seat next to her whilst she searched in the locker again to find her phone, idle through her texts, perhaps check FB before she switched her phone off. And then delayed the actual take-off when she got the flight attendant to pull her bag out again to pass her Accessory Child something (I hoped it was some sort of tranquilliser, but alas, not).
I was open mouthed with indignation at this point - that someone could so blatantly break the Gentle Passenger's Code of Conduct and I looked around to see if anyone was sharing that indignation but it appears that the Code is in my head as everyone else seemed unaware of the heinous crime being committed in seat 23A.
I'm now home in bed, ready for my 5.45 start tomorrow. Night night all!"
Hmmm. Today could be very interesting. And maybe I will break the habit of the last few years, and actually listen to the safety announcement...
"Day trip to Newcastle today. Where to start? To rant or to rave? I could rave about the great Easyjet service, the dulcet tones of Paul McGann's recorded voice used for the flight safety notice (the words, 'Brace! Brace!' have new meaning for me), the way the staff of the exec lounge found my passport and delivered it to me at the gate, the fact that I was first off the plane. Didn't you know that it's a race from the plane steps to the airport arrivals exit? I'm not that fast but I beat the short fat-bottomed man in pin stripes and the woman with leopard print stilettos and bad hair extensions.
Or, I could rant. Oh about so, so many things. Or rather, people.
The loud and whey-faced people in the security queues who gave the Departure lounge the air of Appleby Horse Fair. Or the horse faced bint with the Accessory Child who held up the whole queue of passengers behind her whilst she placed her many bags in the overhead locker. Without apologising. And then held up the man who wanted to sit in the seat next to her whilst she searched in the locker again to find her phone, idle through her texts, perhaps check FB before she switched her phone off. And then delayed the actual take-off when she got the flight attendant to pull her bag out again to pass her Accessory Child something (I hoped it was some sort of tranquilliser, but alas, not).
I was open mouthed with indignation at this point - that someone could so blatantly break the Gentle Passenger's Code of Conduct and I looked around to see if anyone was sharing that indignation but it appears that the Code is in my head as everyone else seemed unaware of the heinous crime being committed in seat 23A.
I'm now home in bed, ready for my 5.45 start tomorrow. Night night all!"
Hmmm. Today could be very interesting. And maybe I will break the habit of the last few years, and actually listen to the safety announcement...
I do miss your sister's blog so it's good to see she's still in fine fettle and writing as brilliantly as ever!
ReplyDeleteLove it. Tell your sister she needs to start blogging again...
ReplyDeleteSo you and she are crossing each other's paths at 33,000ft over Europe? Is she coming to visit you, on the same day that you are going to visit her, or something?
ReplyDeleteNever had the fortune of reading your sister's blog but I can guess that she must be pretty darn awesome at it.. Maybe she should start again!
ReplyDeleteFK used to have me in stitches. Why isn't she blogging?
ReplyDeleteAnyhoo, she needs to come over here and see what we have to put up with on flights. It's all about me, me, me with these bloody Americans. Seriously - I sometimes think "The end justifies the means" should be their national motto, stamped on all coins and highways. Yesterday, on our flight, some guy got upgraded to first class, and even though he was asked to remain in his seat till the aisles were cleared, he proceeded to get up, remove everyone's stuff from the overhead bin, and get his bag out. He dumped three coats on my husband's head (tee hee) but because he (the dumper) was on the phone, he didn't even notice. When the crew member came to get him, she told him he would have to leave his bag where it was, - cue hissy fit. She ended up squeezing his bag back into the bin, because he walked off down to 1st - still on the phone. I could tell by her face that she really wanted to rescind the upgrade!
Had to laugh at Expat Mum's comments - have run across many of those in my time, but here in Korea they take it to another level- keep in mind that pushing in any situation is a culturally accepted behavior - you have never seen people in such a hurry to get off an airplane, they'll crawl over you to get into the aisle first! It's also the only place I've ever seen the flight attendants had to lock the WCs before they do their safety briefing - while I know many people don't actually listen to the safety briefing, it's the first time I've ever seen people get up and amble down the aisle to the WC during one. Even better is the surprised and aggrieved expression on faces when the flight attendant asks them to return to their seats. Brilliant post - and isn't plagiarism the sincerest form of flattery?
ReplyDeleteI've missed your sister's blog. You are both lovely writers, your parents must be proud.
ReplyDelete